I have a very, very, very valid reason for not posting all week. Expectant viewers who check my blog every day, and then close the window noticeably disgruntled at my absence, will ooh! and aah! with relief at this revelation.
I have the bubonic plague.
At least, I do according to the qualified practitioners at WebMD. That, or a common cold- I can see how the two are alike, in that they evoke varying degrees of discomfort. But, I will go so far as to say this; no-one in the history of the universe has ever suffered as much as I have the past week. A bold claim, but I have gone through more kleenex and strepsils than is healthy. I felt sometimes like I was being mauled by a bear, if only one with very blunt teeth. Illness has beat down my mental capacity to that of a slightly curious potato, in that I could not find it in me to read, nor write blog posts. I had only the ability to moan and possibly ask if I could please have some more tissues. Blog posts certainly crossed my mind, in a guilty way, but only fleetingly , until I finally sat down and began to type out these words. Because, fortunately, in the past hour, my pain was shed, evaporating like a liquid lying stagnant in a convenient puddle on a hot day. But then, I hit the inevitable roadblock. What do I actually write? An introductory paragraph like the above is not adequate when one is so famous as to have twenty-six followers. That’s a lot of potentially disgruntled people, and disgruntled people may me uncomfortable. Of course, I had several ideas, but illness tore away what was left of my motivation to elaborate. Thus, I present the failsafe list of ideas, should you ever find yourself in such a cognitively impaired state that you too share the creative capacity of a potato.
1. Review the last book you read. The generic idea for all book bloggers. Make a list of things that worked, things that didn’t, and now explain each is roughly 50 words. Introduce it. Slap some stars on the bottom. Add some pretty pictures. Hit post.
2. Engage in a Top Ten Tuesday. If you feel particularly rebellious, you could do it on a Wednesday. Or a Thursday. Book bloggers are wild like that. Dig out a prompt from 2009 or something, because last week will make you look like the person who got the date of the birthday party wrong and turned up after everyone had gone home. If you make the pingback to the Broke and Bookish very, very small and put it in a faint and/or unreadable font, it looks kind of like your own idea, without any plagiarism. That’s always fun.
3. Do a tour of your favourite places to read, with photos if you can. This is the post I have planned for next Saturday, so stay tuned to experience some of my abysmal photography skills!
4. Make a long complaining post. Vent. Preferably cater it to your blog theme, if you have one, but use the blog as a forum for letting it all out. Add emoticons and/or illustrations if words cannot describe how the inferiority of the cinematography on your favourite book’s movie adaption makes all the hatred in your body funnel down to a singular angry warship, and sears through your veins until you must actively stab something to keep from causing harm to your family members. Accept the angry conflicting comments below and move on.
5. e-Readers vs Paper books. Another post I have planned. Give pros and cons, opinions, and commentary.
6. The five worst books ever printed and/or published in eBook format. Get angry. List reasons they don’t even deserve their meagre, inferior existence.
7. A gallery of book-related photography, if you posess any skills in the field. Which I do not.
8. Write a long, thinky essay about books. Write an open letter to publishing companies, write about your favourite books, analyse a character, talk about book covers.
9. Analyse trends in *insert thing here*. I did this in my analysing trends of YA book covers post. Trends in titles, characters, covers, book blogs, genre, etc. etc.
10. Host a literary dinner party. Odd, I know, but bear with me. Who’s cooking? Who’s coming? Who will get on who’s nerves? Where is it? What will you do? Will it end in disaster? Will it culminate in every villain from the literary world ever coming together and devising devious plans, because you love villains and invited them all? Only this blog post will tell.
11. Cheat, and post something you wrote. A poem or story you are genuinely proud of works. Laughing at something you wrote several years ago also works. But don’t be that guy who ‘laughs’ at something that is actually good, because they want you to think that this masterful work of genius they have posted is some of their second rate work. No-one invites that guy to parties.
12. Your five favourite characters, and why you liked them. It could be fun to add what kind of general character you like too- I’ve had this post in my drafts for weeks now.
13. Movie adaptions. Yay or nay? Compile the best and worst, talk about what you like to see in them, gripe about them, insult every movie ever made, and then come crawling back to talk about your favourites. I did this to kick off my blog.
14. Top three authors you’d like to meet. Include what you’d say to them if you did, and why you’d like to.
I just got an idea for one of my own posts!
15. Describe your ideal library. If its real, share a picture. If it’s not, paint a mental one with some shatteringly magnificent adjectives. Make it worth reading, of course, and be sure you possess at least a scrap of creative writing talent before proceeding, or risk watching your credibility evaporate.
16. A bookshelf tour! You can either vlog this, or take pictures. Write about the books there. If you don’t own a camera and/or a half-decent laptop webcam, describe it. However, see the last sentence of #15
17. If you liked this, you will like… If you like this TV show, you will like this book. If you like this author, you will like this book. If you like this book, you will like this book. If you like this movie, you will like this book. Do you If you liked… with something generally popular and well received, like Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, John Green, etc.
18. Pictures of actors or actresses you imagine as your favourite characters. Trawl the internet searching for a face that encapsulates every obscure detail your mind has drawn whilst reading a book, and post them, if only so people can laugh, ‘Haha! Thats nothing like what *character* looks like in my brain!’ Invite discussion.
19. Your favourite quotes about books or reading. Do it with intermittent bookish pictures in between for a true experience.
20. Feign inspiration and make a list of post ideas.